7am too early

It’s past 7 AM, I hear my baby niece crying, she shrieks and cries in terror, to what, I will never know. August left in a hurry, and to me it’s already the second week of September and a lot has happened since I left my last entry. These were my highlights:

The South Cosplay group I am forming is slowly getting together, and I learned the value of who to trust amongst the people who volunteered their time to. It took much of discernment and sheer gut to find people who are willing to do all things to make things work, but I do hope in time – the South Cosplay community would be widely recognized, and a force to reckon on events to come, and by which not a community to Cosplay, but more to various of interests.

Maria Garcia, Sillykonpeito

Learning my lesson that to never to do back to back photo shoots, I slapped myself again in getting to one again. The Asylum’s House of Dolls: Rainy Season Edition was a success, with the weather played to make the most interesting of shots, and got to meet a new fellow photographer. The more makes me interested in pulling of a photo face-off. But I am thankful for the likes of friends from the South who helped in and bothered really to spend time to be as my models, the likes of Ghelianne Li and Belle Montesclaros and my in-house model Maria Garcia.

M'Belle Montesclaros, The House of Dolls
Rainy Season Edition

A lot of events happened in this shoot, one my models were in the area, didn’t bother to get my number showed up and ended up to having a shoot of her own. The other, lost her wallet on the way to the event. It’s sad that these things happen or I didn’t want to put my models in danger, but they happened. Funny thing, that Maria also lost some big bucks too, on the course of the shoot, she dropped a Ninoy somewhere, and whoever picked that up, is lucky to treat themselves to the restaurants nearby.

I am thankful and fortunate that the BGCMYCITY.COM was able to help me publish what I need, despite pushing the shoots due to uncooperative weather, model schedules and my procrastination. I was about to cancel but by God’s grace, I said to heck to laziness and it’s now or never for me.

The following day, I was brought to a venue that filled with possibilities the River Walk of Alabang which I will nickname it as the Wildlife of the South is really something. I can imagine this to be the new haven for photographers like me doing all shoots less the equipment. But mainly the purpose of me being there is do a shoot of Kiseki no Sedai, which translates to The Generation of Miracles. It’s a basketball drama, anime, which I am more familiar with Slam Dunk than this one. So pulling of shots in a park is hard to do since they were mostly men, and I have to be honest, this is the first time to do a shoot filled with testosterone.

Finding poses were tough, finding angles were tough, and more so I had two ladies. But I am grateful that Tatiana Galas was able to step up to the fold, being my apprentice for the day. She made me smile and help kept my composure, and even bothered to chill with me. Cute, right?

Tatiana Galas, The Asylum's Apprentice

It ended me being so tired, but when it came to editing it was just utterly hell. From 7am of Saturday, the week thereafter my shoot until 9PM the next day I had to stick to my promises, finishing up and squeezing into my deadline. Of uploading crops, fixing lighting and moods, it was just goddamn worth it.

I barley squeezed my work with pretty much less of an allowance. But thankfully I was able to get to where I needed, now here comes September, It will be a flurry of being in getting tickets to Asia Pop Comic Con, and agreed myself to be Best of Anime, the day thereafter. Followed by a week in Dutdutan XV, the Philippine Tattoo Convention, which I promised myself I won’t stay long. It’s just a week away, if August left in a dash, I can’t believe the September is hurrying up.

Am I ready? I don’t know but I can only tell once I stepped on the floor and start snapping away. Until then, I will post here a new set of highlights or lows.

misjudged

"All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once. Am I right? You had a bad day and everything changed." - Joker

I want to thank all the people who shown their support through prayers, kinds words of strength and just being at my side at the loneliest times. You made me feel that I can go through this, and it means all so much to me, and the good news is that my mom went through her operation successfully - and part of my worries are over.

The reason for my blog is that I am getting bad reputation on my decisions, I turned down two assignments to cover events, one of which a colleague's grandmother's birthday, in which the directions were not clear on the onset, in my understanding that the host will cover for my transportation and my expenses just to get there, meaning that I will join them, be picked by the host and be brought to the site in which I will cover the event, but this was not the case - it appears I was told I need to take the bus, to a far off place, in which find the location myself, thus I felt my rate was under compensated since I would be carrying equipment that I need to help me cover the event, and I felt that my safety is a risk, more so the equipment, and I felt the pay will not cover for any loss or damages. I gave my reason, 2 days prior to the event - and I felt I stabbed the client by the back. On my second turned down assignment was from a friend of whom I shall not name, in respect of reputation - due to some personal issues that may cause some clashes, I chose to back out two weeks prior to the event, and now I was called upon being unprofessional. I know that personal issues, is would be a petty excuse, but my worries is filing the leave given the event is scheduled on a my regular work day has a high rate of being denied because I have no valid excuse to deliver, and that is why I prefer covering shoots on my day-offs, and I'm better off using my leaves for something important such as my mother's chemotherapy sessions.

Not all people will understand and  immediately judge me for being picky on my assignments or the person affected on personal issues however before I take any assignment - I have to see to it I get home safe, given that I'm the youngest in the family, and I don't worry my senior citizen parents, more so my mother who is still recovering her ordeal with cancer, next, is that I am well compensated should anything happen to me, or my equipment, since after all I am heavily dependent on this to keep me alive, I so sure don't want anything to happen to my babies. Lastly, I see to it that when I do cancel the assignment, I let you know ahead, but bear I cancel them for a very good reason.

I know down the line, I would be hearing more boos, and less recommendations from The Asylum, I will guess I have to take this as a challenge - I guess I am having a bad day, but I realize, as long I still see my mom is still smiling knowing she can count on me being there for her as her youngest son, I rather spend the time for her than a hobby that takes me away from her presence. So mom, I know I should be out doing something to help pay your bills, but I rather be at your side, so we can go through this together. Happy Mother's Day!.

the game has changed

It's been two months since I last wrote something, and my sincerest apologies for not informing everyone of my whereabouts. It is one of those moments, where one's pure thoughts has become more quiet, where nothing comes out thus my creative or lust for writing just stopped.

Yuri Nanami, Sin City

With these two months I was able to reflect, and took time off, It was also on February I took time to do Sin City, A photo shoot meant for the All Star Traps of Cosplay, to those who are the uninitiated to this term, Traps are cross dressers, they are not gender benders, they are the transgender community of Cosplay. Traps came from the Star Wars verse "It's a Trap!", which lead to also the feeling your talking to a beautiful goddess but instead your talking to a dude.

I have nothing against the transgender community, I even wrote love advice in my other other blog, Black Out Love. Moving forward, what lead to a heavy preparation, that lead to lot's of last minute replacements, from 6 of whom I called for a casting call, I had to settle for two who showed up for the shoot, and a make-up artist who is fairly new to my wing. Nonetheless, it was a good shoot, it was something that I have to get used to, A creative nightmare - rust, I haven't done a fashion themed shoot since November. I was thankful with the models who showed up, luckily it was my Cosplay daughter Nickhers Concepcion, who is familiar on how I do things and a new comer to the fashion scene but eager to learn, Yuri Nanami. All have opposite styles and takes - One is sweet, and the other, the rebel. And this rebel nearly got me into trouble, because we got looks and stares from crowds  - dissing her, and tossing all sort of rudeness - thus I can say Bonifacio Global City is a homophobic crowd - in insulting way. Yuri, flung her middle finger to the jeers, but I had to keep my cool. Thankfully I had Angie, my other Cosplay daughter, was my backup photographer,  was also able to keep me sane, and I am pretty much  still in awe with her skills,  she took spectacular shots - impressive.

Thanks to Kex Puerto

It was a good February, that leads me to some of my shoots in K-Pub BBQ, just for an office gathering, it was Rewards and Recognition for our department, it's been a while for half a year I have been working for that Line of Business, I took a decent good number of shots by the street, with co-workers and the insides of the pub.

March was a tumbling month, of highs and lows, my depression sort of came back but took me a while to fight back and get back on my feet, I missed out by not attending the Tamashii Con, and TagCom, since I was up in Baguio with someone in doing a Fifty Shades of Gray themed shoot, - and yes it was a porn to remember. and I also was able to meet some cool photographers while doing some shots in Camp John Hay, and learned the growing Cosplay Baguio community, in which got me excited when I go up again. I managed to host a reunion on the last week of March, with former PinoyExchange members, people whom rocked the Internet in the early 2000's, it was my way to meet friends of way back when, people who I viewed, were the pioneers of Social media, it was there also I got to meet my online crush - sweetKay... Of the 12 who confirmed via Facebook, slid down to 3 came - crush was there and the other 2 with their respective wives,and children. We had dinner at Omakase in Ayala Triangle -  there it was a time for us to have Sushi and Tempura, and had lot's of catch up.

Me and sweetkay of Life is Kulayful,Post Pex Dinner

So... Good bye March! Good Evening April! There's a lot of things to look forward to lately, and just to announce - I think I may found my significant other - which I do hope leads to a promising future, the other side is that my work life is thrown back to the graveyard, Hello! The Working Dead. I also look forward to attending the up coming con before the end of April, and hope I can push my shoot titled Inked! before the motnh ends, a casual shoot with my inked or tattooed friends, and colleagues of mine at work place.

It's 6:28 PM, and I am close to dinner time, hope to write more soon, and honestly, it feels good to write again. 

music, photos and leaving it all...

My mood is kind of mellow at the moment, that to put The Asylum on hold after a good run of 10 months, I have to find some other groove to get going.

Winah Lacanilao, Dutdutan 14

I cannot explain or simply put to words as to why  I am semi-retiring, maybe the best things or how people view this, is I had enough bulk to handle on my own now. 

To be honest, I can fake that I am really doing well, but I just need to take a time off.  But because I am doing so much now, I got people telling me to look long and hard the life I was living and helped me realize the coping mechanism I built after my depression isn't working.

Running a team that is slowly dispersing, is much a sad thing, and that could be one of the many reasons.

During the last few months, I really felt the wear and tear and seeing my slowly team go,  as they say people have their reasons, I will just simply leave it at that. And the supposed coping mechanism to alleviate me from my long term sadness, felt I really need to deserve a proper break. It' s been tough and I couldn't keep pushing myself the way I have anymore, it really felt I am going drop down to the pavement, If I didn't kept going. So in a couple of weeks, I will embark the largest shoot that I will be hosting, my last shoot. So many models invited, cosplayers, and friends alike, to this once in a lifetime for me to shoot them at their very best.

Nickhers Concepcion, Memoirs

After which, I am taking a longer, much needed break, to rebuild what is left of me and The Asylum, and to work this out long term, despite my new schedule change at my regular day job, I really need the time figure a way to make it out through this.

I have been working on improving photos and studying new techniques during this time off, to be better at my craft, something that will not be taken from me, and even though I will be out for quite some time, there will be a whole new The Asylum and me, once I get out and live to get crazy again, when we do return.

I like to thank the following people who helped me got to this level of success: Honey, Tiarra, Kirky, Ronan, Aly, Yuki, Rhosa, to my TACOS (The Asylum Cosplay Otaku Society) girls - Nhal, Alice, Angel, and June, The Faculin Sisters - Karen, Kitty and Keshia, the MTP models - Eyra, Marg, Kim, Joycee, and Cristelle, and Cosplay friends such as Angel, and other people I bump into this events, to Gayle and Winah, to Dutdutan 2015, and last my to my three beautiful children who keeps me sane - Xanthe, Nickhers and Prances.

Foremost to the people who left The Asylum, without you we wouldn't go this far, Shen, Shyra, and Mitch.

Thank you for sharing these 10 months, Until we reopen our gates again.

Paul Andrew Jurilla, The Asylum

rise and fall

It's September 14, and my worries has sunk to  a new level - after writing my manifesto and a clear direction to what The Asylum has to offer, slowly people, whom I consider friends, and staff, slowly drop off.

Yes The Asylum foundation is slowly crumbling, that each key member with no apparent reason, just want to go their own separate way. Now I can't stop them, there is no contract binding them, and we don't get paid on my sanctioned photo shoots. I always believed doing what you love, makes you keep coming back - well I guess it's all about money or their own selfish reasons, connoting not in a negative way.

It's these things, that cause some disheartening in my end, Did I fail as leader?

Just not so long ago my Hair and Make-up artist, had some qualms thinking she would be fired, when she over assumed a topic about her, when it fact was a mere feedback process we want to give her since she is affiliating herself with different groups and trying to be a key figure in the group. Followed by a small rift with my graphics artist, whom I consider almost like my little sister - to the point and gave up. Getting her back was not easy, and just to make it worse, her laptop broke down where our photos are held now in limbo, with a almost a month of projects and hard work waiting to be done.

I have delayed myself for a long period of time - September, I conclude was not a good one.

As of date, I have lost my Stylist and Co-Casting Director, two of whom which are best in the industry who pivoted so much ideas, and impact to the group, and the direction as to where it's going, boils down back to me, Did I fail as leader? I could not help but think, is it my fault, on how I my work ethic is too much like a slave driver - that all I want is to achiever near perfect execution,. How does Donald Trump do it?

September is here, I just have to end it right, if it means the rise and fall of my group, or just the core key players holding on, which is me, my partner and key model, for better or worse now.

Now this September I have no lined up shoots since my original model left for Singapore, in which our theme for the month was artistic nudes, now that it was scrapped out, I am focusing my time in going to events such as Dutdutan 2014 - Tattoo Convention, and people who are thinking, I do plan to have one, and Best of Anime, with it's controversial No Ticket, No Entry policy which to some extent has been clarified or possibly listed for now. Both held this coming weekend for which I am coming in a Saturday, and ending on a Sunday - comes Monday with aches and pains - what you must do for what you love.

Starting Next month,  I will be putting my signature on my blogs, I think it looks cool, and thinking of considering migrating my photos from Facebook to Square Space - so much plans and hopefully October's shoot I can pull of the Freakshow, with no venue to pull, and wardrobe to get it going, we will wait and see of what can I come out with. I will also be taking part of my first Yukata-Kimono gathering, wondering of what I'd look like.

For now I will just stare profusely on these.... Hoping for the best despite the chaos....

roads to anxiety: in prep for the memoirs shoot

It' August 25, 2:26PM, I know I should be sleeping by now, in preparation for my normal job, I can't help but think and be anxious for this coming weekend's photo shoot. The concept is quite simple, do a geisha shoot and get over with, but I left with so much anxieties, that anything could happen, a normal butterflies in my stomach kind of feeling... I guess.

This will be the first time I would peg a cosplayer against a tenured model, my very first Fashion Face-Off Challenge, in which putting different people in the industry to one shoot. It's a concept, that the model would surely win but given with the people whom I paired, it's like guessing who would win Top Model with the final best photo.

Memoirs, The Asylum 

I have paired of with someone who has been in the modelling industry since a kid, literally, doing SM Kids, and accomplished so much more since then, she became consultant and trainer to future models, and continuing to get go-sees and contracts left and right. She has done a lot for her age, and she is also a sub-talent for a local channel here. I have pitted her against a cosplayer, respected, revered "Trap", or crossdresser.  She is in rank and known as much as the famous Alodia, she has been interviewed, posed, for several local Otaku magazines, she is also a fan favorite, due to the poll I posted recently, she is also created so much haters, because the number of insecure people envious of her almost flawless beauty. She is also tenured for her age, continuing to prove herself.

I admit this is unique, but each of them have flaws, one has to be taught how to pose before the shoot, the other, the photographer being me, may not keep up, both of whom I spoke, are both intimidated of each other, on how they are nervous for this event, and their nervousness and anxiety carries over me.

I have pretty much prepared for this shoot, gathering budget, looking for kimonos, make-up and gathering experts for this, looking for the right location, and knowing what I want for the my post-editing.

But nonetheless, let's just break a heel.

If you're peeps wondering, why the issue is early, I may be pegging my blog to come out bimonthly, 2 entries in one month, to keep off the lag. Anyhow, that's all for now. 

the hard one

Of all the places, I have been, places I have gone and go, and to my surprise weeks thereafter there is such an ordinance as a No Shoot Zone - in the city of Makati.

June, Tokyo-Makati

No shoot zones are the worst nightmares for any amateur photographer such as I am. I am so used to taking free rides to shoot and photograph any part of the region of the country, now I am confined to seek a permit before I could continue on.

I am aware that there are some regions of Makati require me to seek permits but with the guards patrolling and chasing me - this was my challenge, every part of the city was blocked out.

Yes, I was patrolled and hightailed by guards, I was radioed in, and wherever I went, wherever I gone, I was sure followed and escorted out of some premises.

It was a shoot, run and go.

It was not fun.

Alice, Tokyo-Makati

I was pretty much flustered thinking on how I could make my concepts work, to some luck and extent, I got some decent photographs, some was not really the number I was driving at.

I could have done better given the right conditions that I am in.

I am pretty thankful, the my newbie models were much understanding but I feel sorry that we had to walk to find a suitable spot, we felt like nomads, not having pretty decent stay in a certain location, from parks, to the underground tunnels, we were shooed out.

Nhal, Tokyo-Makati

I am also thankful for my staff, from Kirky to Ronan, who kept everyone out a float, especially Kirky who kept me laughing despite me being pissed at security, and Ronan to look out for me when a security guard was tailing me.

Again this was no walk in the park, there were so many beautiful locations to shoot at, but again I cannot help be upset - I always thought that the things we photographers do in locations is to boost tourism, by making stunning photos that allure the foreigners to love what they see, feeding them eye candies...

Thinking and looking back - I learned to defy the law so many times on so many occasions but this time, the Law won.

Angelica, Tokyo-Makati

bigger, better and bolder... opportunities

When I started doing photo shoots in 2008, I would never expected to go this far. My photo shoots began a simple shoot with my ex whenever we traveled to some exciting exotic locale, it was meant for fun then early 2013 I was invited by my "little sister" to my first fashion, I was hooked, I wanted more. 

Around mid year to the end of the year when my recent ex came along to my life, we shot from the park, to the beach, and to her bedroom, giving me diversity of shots, different themes, ideas - she ventured me to shooting in cosplays, car shows then all things got too serious. I stopped.

I stopped because I went to some ordeal, that

involves me picking up pieces of my heart, you guessed it, I was heartbroken. Me and my ex broke up.

January 2014, Get in the Grind

February 2014, Fierce

October of 2013, a familiar face messaged me, it was my model from the fashion shoot, wanting me to do a shoot with her and her friends, wow I thought, it has been a while since I picked up the camera, then from then on I got that high again, it was bringing me to nostalgic feelings which made me feel uneasy when November came I thought this may be my last shoot - spiraled to January of this year launching The Asylum.

March 2014, Elemento

The Asylum, until June of this year had me involve with 7 high-end photo shoots, participated in 2 cosplay events, and aside booking myself the whole year, I got another message... My "little sister", the little entrepreneur, the marketer, wants me - not just a photographer for a shoot, but part of her creative team, a plan of being part of something big.

When I looked back to my humble beginnings, I can't help but be thankful, to the exposure, the different people I met along the way, and now I look forward, to what may be the biggest adventure I will go through, boom or bust - come what may, seize the moment....

PJurilla

Here I come.