dear mom

dear mom,

I never expected this, nor I am prepared for this, I am afraid to lose you. When I lost a sister, I was in the point of no return - and took what's left of me to come back, now we are this state, I don't think I will ever return if I lose you too.

Dear mom, you are the fabric of my existence, the love, the compassion, the sarcasm and my worries are all from you - I grew up to you teaching me, you were my first teacher. You handed my first book to my first slap in the butt, you were too my disciplinarian. You taught me to appreciate music at an early age, from the likes of Beethoven to Mozart, at a young age, I never understood how old music soothes you, now I do now. You taught me the likes of the opera, or help me understood art, back then Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michaelangelo were nothing but Ninja Turtles but you made love each one of them. You taught me to read the encyclopedia when I was bored, taught me the read the books on our shelf, which were mostly Psychological, Medical textbooks of my siblings but nonetheless took it too where my mind developed to where it is now. You also disciplined me to the ways unlike no other, you were scarier than a drill officer, and disciplined me that all things are not free. You disciplined the value of money, that fifty bucks one a Friday is a reward and worth the wait. You disciplined me to be have, the not open my mouth when nothing is right coming out - to the likes to respect my elders,despite how scary they were when growing up. You disciplined me to the likes of etiquette, and I know now, that a true gentleman is a lady's man.

Dear mom, It is scary and worries me as you go through the operation, as the ordeals and pains I could hardly imagine, as I feel the anxiety as you do - I remember the times you were the one who stood among my siblings when they were bullying me, stood to face every parent when I was mocked or teased by my classmates, and even stood every school teacher when I had failing grade and questioned why -  you were there for me to protect me, you were there when I shouldn't feel envious with others, you were there that I should exert effort and prove that I am that smart. You were there at those times when I had no cash, you came by to get me a burger, parked our car just to have lunch when I was in elementary, you were there to pick me up in the soaking rain when I needed you, you were there to see my heart not broken in the relationship I get into, you were there, you knew best for me.

Dear mom, I don't want to imagine for the worst, there are long years to come, I pray to Lord Jesus, to help us get through this - the very way how you taught me how to pray, how you taught me and brought me to church to be active in it, to embrace the power of God's love as you did for me, you taught me to pray to my angels for guidance for protection, now I do the same for you my mom - let my angels protect, and help us, deliver us... There are so many things I am not prepared for, my mom but I want to say sorry for t.he times I have accidentally kicked you when you were waking up when I was small because I wanted to stay in bed a little longer before going to school, making you wake up early in the morning when I needed to go to work, to make you tired of reminding me things over and over, to have ruined your beautiful garden, to my recklessness - to have disappointed you in my decisions, I am sorry for the times I have hurt you mom. I am sorry for the times when I was angry when you were never to show up on my award nights, I am sorry when I hated you for not being there supportive to my relationships, I am sorry when I resented you for being late or the time you were not picking up your phone, I am sorry when I felt so bad you were not there to see me win those tournaments at golf or other things I was good at, I am sorry mom, I am so sorry

My dear mom

Dear mom there are so many things we will go through together, I want you to see me wed, I want you to hold my child, your grand child, to usher you the home I bought, to help you and bring you places. as tears trickle my face, I want you to see me truly happy, dear mom you are my strength, I am thankful that you gave birth to me as you life started, I may be not the perfect child, the perfect son but you tried your best to understand me, you tried your best to love me fully and deeply, you tried your best to be there for, and now mom I am still in the part of not ready to let go if it comes to worst - I am not ready face the ordeals of my ill-tempered father, who's temper is much shorter than yours, I am not ready to face the world to the only person I confide myself too, who I trust when I needed to go out, and I am just simply not ready to have you not around, - to have a table empty, to remind me to have a night prayer, to effortlessly not complain to bring me out of the village so I can get a ride to work, to help me saw the holes on my clothes, to buy me a sandwich to cheer me up, to even buy me food when my siblings have locked out the fridge with theirs, to loan me money when I have a shortage of cash sacrificing your small budget, to call me her baby, and to have a mother, who can love me this much.

Dear mom, I love you.