It’s been a while since I wrote a
personal piece in which a lot has happened this 2015 – what began through
rediscovering who I am in my father’s homeland, finding strength in family to a
homecoming of a series of events… I have lessened myself in doing my own themed
shoots, only of which I have piloted successfully on my own are my May Ink, Lolita
and Rainy Day shoots. In place I had made myself active in various events from being
an opening act for Nexcon 2 to a wandering geek at Asia Pop Comic Con, being a
media partner for Asia Cosplay Meets Philippines, and made a statement for
dress to impress in Fantasy Quest 4. I also established myself being part of
the Baguio community, thus I made a name, a brand and its taking its baby steps
to baby walks – I am getting there. Last December I was supposed to end it with
a bang with End of Days – sadly got cancelled out with the number of
participants I had, which wasn’t substantial to cover the day. I made myself
suffer to going to Ozine which was chaotic as usual. It was no fun as I had few
shots because I was mainly exhausted by just going in and out of the
convention. And that pretty sums up 2015, fun, chaotic, wet and wild.
This 2016 I am going back to what
I do best, which is just focusing on fashion and cosplay shoots that I can
handle – and being active only to major events. There is a lot to reflect on
for this 2016 – and I guess my resolution for the year is simply, Keeping my
mouth shut more, Really make things work, and Leave expectations behind me for
less disappointment but foremost my biggest resolution is to got stop acting
desperate. Lately my loneliness has gotten much worse, and worse is subscribing
back myself in Tinder in hope for love. I got clicks there and then – but I
still long for that physical connection. I guess my desperation of wanting a
partner in life, is making me crazy. The every wanting thoughts of marriage, church
bells and having a child of my own is clouding my thoughts – and the insults of
my office are going to my head. I did have my regrets, the past relationships I
have had who made me who I am is no rash insult to wanting more in life. Relationships
goals pop up here and there, the days become colder, I hope for only things to
get better.
What happens now? I got to keep
continuing being positive, got to keep on surviving by being better than I was
before. I shouldn’t dwell much on things I cannot control. Come what may, was
always been my motto, but this time, take charge and not hesitate, will be something
I shall live by. So 2016 give me the best, and I will take charge and do the
rest.
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