dear you

Dear Future Girlfriend,

I don’t know, who you’d be, what you look like, and how I will meet you – but I look forward to each single day in meeting you. I look forward to being in our first few dates, holding your hands and watching or just gazing at you. I want to apologize beforehand that I can be real quiet, perhaps I am going ecstatic in my mind and the same time afraid, I might say the wrong things, this is how I show my nervousness… this is how I really am… I am this quiet guy, who can’t help be feel the fireworks of joy inside, and he is holding your hand, his cold sweaty palms.  I do apologize if I haven’t made any plans – as I go things on the fly, or I let you choose on where you want to eat, go or do – it’s not that I’m indecisive it’s just I want you to take me and grab me and pull me to places where you want to go, eat the things you crave for when your little stomach grumbles, to chill, to laugh, to make each place intimate, and special – a lingering memory – all I just want to do, go anywhere as long I am with you.

I look forward to spending time as months go by, celebrating our monthsaries in a different restaurant, by then we’d be traveling every other year of our anniversary, if given we are blessed the budget, I look forward to having our first surf together on the crashing waves on a beach or first dive to the deep blue sea and watching the marine life pass as by, I look forward to sharing a drink with you, while we gaze the sunset together as I cuddle you in between my arms as we both listen the same playlist of songs in our player, I look forward to just like our first date, hold hands and walk by the shore or the empty streets, I look forward experience the bitter cold fog, and keeping you warm, - I also look forward to the days when we travel by bus, you will lean your head on my shoulders and I watch you sleep or rest in our long travels, or clasp my hands as we escalate on the airplane as those thing I fear, taking off and landing, -  I look forward to us getting lost and have a little argument but somehow find our way – I look forward for us going to exciting to the old familiar or new places we’ve never been – you will be my travel buddy, the person I will exhaust myself carrying bags for, get grumpy, but still I will love you.

I don’t know when – and for how long will I wait for you but I look for opening our door to our place, a small place called home, I hope you don’t mind that it won’t be that extravagant, because it’s all I could afford, I look forward for us saving so we can buy more stuff, more pleasing to our friends eye. I look forward in inviting and meeting your friends, especially being welcomed to your family as you’d do with mine – I look forward in crashing in each other’s places during the holidays, then after which landing to our home. Our home that I look forward for us building together, spending times and moments cooking and tasting each other’s burned food – to ending up ordering and delivering food from pizzas to burgers, to anything that can dial our hands to, just watching you eat, just watching you sleep.  I look forward to have intimate moments, not just sex, just spending quiet moments, being at each other’s arms, waking up to surprises each single day – and alas coming home, just coming home to you after a tiring day, giving each other back rubs and massages – and you what I look forward is being hugged by you, tighter knowing that I had someone miss me while I’ve been working for us.

I know our relationship will be not always this perfect, it’s not always going to be roses, on my hand, but we will do this and make it work together – we will have our fights, quarrels, sleepless nights but we will not give up, we will continue to make this right, but I assure I will be ever be honest, loyal and transparent to you – hear my thoughts, my feelings and I will listen to yours, talk to you objectively  and not rest until we get it right.

So many things I want to say – or do, like mimic you just to tease you, run around, work out together to get each other fit after binging too much, have you hold the remote but I look forward is to growing old with you, yes – there will be those days, when we get it right, to the point I want to settle things down and be with you, forever is an impossible world, but I look forward that you would be the last, amongst the long chain of women I’ve been with, after battling my depression – all I want is you be there, to have my ever after with, be the one whom I will hold dearly to – for better, for worse, to beyond death, let us not part.

I am sorry if I am this clingy fool, I have been through a lot – went to all so many hardships looking, searching, waiting, and to the point in time, I found you. I will love you for the rest of my days, tend to you when you are sick and not alright, hug you when you a stressed, cover your eyes, when you are watching a scary movie as you will do with mine, have our his and hers of things, be my muse of my photography, be each other’s alarm clock for work, be each other’s motivation to be optimistic for the future, the one I will share affinity staring at the full moon, be each other’s world – all I ask of you and expect, is not to break my heart, tell me your thoughts so I can create this bond with you, tell me where it hurts and lastly, let’s make it work.

I don’t have a perfect life, you may even hear rumors about me, on how my past, on my present but I would do I can to assure, that there will be nothing more,  I will give you the honor to meet all the people in my life, know every shadow, and to what I am afraid of. You will meet my parents, know every fabric of my life of how I grew up and became who I am now before you, you will know the things that will tick me, you will know every bit of me, you will get to learn how we celebrate things, be part of the festivals I go to, I would let you know and see what I see,  I will also expect that from you – I will look forward in showing me in every mood you can give me, from the best of times, to your worst of times – to know your friends, your family, to remembering each name and their birthday, to know what ticks you, what peeves you. I look forward to hear you rant, to hear why you got upset, or to hear you talk about your day, the wonderful things you discovered, the shoes that you bought for me to check out, for you to accidentally maxing out our bank account by accident, to taste your cooking, your baking – I look forward on telling me how your day went. I look forward to hearing you, sending you messages through my mobile letting you know I am here, and I am thinking of you, I will spoil you with all my love – I will get you the shoes, the article of clothing you want, save up if you do wish, but I will let you remind you of our budget – I will celebrate to every joy in your life, birthdays, and being part of your family traditions.

I will always call you beautiful, no matter how you feel ugly inside, I will always call you sexy, when you know you have gained weight, I will always be proud of you no matter how many times you fail to have confidence on yourself - you can count on me to tell you the truth, give you the feedback you need, the assurances you deserve. You can also count on me wiping the tears from your eyes, be the extra wallet when you lack the budget to go about what you need for the day. You will always have me, your best friend, your supporter, your doctor, your teacher, your brother, your lover, and your life. I will always be there to teach you new things, even share you and play my favorite computer games, proof read my articles, let you learn Magic: The Gathering, I will always be there for you. I will also learn from you, make me a better person, how to dress well, be your guinea pig to your make-ups, stop my bad habits, be an example that you want me to be, be the leaning shoulder when all things go tumbling down, be the Captain of your life, and foremost you can count on me.

I look forward how you will dress up to all the occasion we go to, be the best in ourselves that we can be – dress to kill, dress for the moment. I look forward you getting things for me and surprising me with them, and I would do the same. But you know what? I look forward that someday, in His time, we will pray together, but what excites me, I look forward in meeting you real soon – I will love you, I will take good care of you, I will always be there for you.

Love always,

Your future boyfriend